Healing our Wounds

Imagine setting someone free to breathe, live and grow without the noose of your fears and insecurities around their neck!

Imagine the freedom YOU will experience by healing from those fears and insecurities yourself!

I wrote this as a Facebook post this past week, and it's been running around in my head ever since. This one is big for me. The hard part is, it is so easy to see when someone ELSE needs to hear this message, but it's not always what I want to hear myself. I have put others in prison because of my judgements and assumptions. I would rehearse the story over and over. I never gave a different story a chance because it was almost as if I was trying to prove my version was TRUE! Every little hint of proof made me dig my heels in all the more and judge and accuse. It was a terrible cycle.

The stories we tell ourselves over and over are what we will tend to believe, even if they are not true.

I started working on this part of my mind and heart the past few months. It changed me, changed how I communicated, changed how I related. I ALLOWED instead of trying to control. I let it be and imagined the best instead of judging and trying to be right. I worked on me instead of fixing someone else.

My relationships began to shift. I was the only one doing "the work", but all of a sudden, the vulnerability and authenticity that I had been yearning for started to show up. It was quite humbling because I so wanted to be able to point the finger and blame others, that THEY were why this relationship was so challenged. But... I had changed, therefore my relationships changed.

I recently witnessed a similar scenario play out between someone I am close to. I saw the effects of someone judging and controlling and the noose around my loved one's neck. There is no freedom for either when this happens. The good news, it only takes ONE to shift and heal to help change the dynamic of the relationship!!! BUT, wouldn't it be beautiful if BOTH people in the relationship owned up to their STUFF and set the other free from their separate prisons?!

I am far from the mark, still. I have a LONG way to go. I still catch myself judging and assuming, trying to be right, fixed in my opinions, trust issues showing up over and over, but at least now I am starting to catch it.

Step one: Unconscious Incompetence

Step two: Conscious Incompetence

Step three: Conscious Competence

Step four: Unconscious Competence

It is not easy, but allowing change to be possible instead of assuming change NEVER will happen creates a shift, allows healing to begin. How long did I keep others in prison because I needed to prove they would never change? That's tough for me to admit, but it's true.

Many people are wounded in past relationships and carry those wounds into new ones. THIS definitely requires some WORK!! Do you REALLY want to burden someone you claim to love with your mess over and over? It takes work to investigate where your habits of response come from. But, start imagining the freedom YOU will gain, THEY will gain if you commit to doing this work!

It's tragic the noose around another's neck when you don't do this work, or what happens to the relationship if they finally refuse the noose? It is also tragic the prison you put yourself in to think this way over and over again. Playing the victim OR the hero is part of the drama triangle. Work inside your own hula hoop. That's all you have any control over. Who do YOU want to be? What kind of relationship do you consider healthy? What does a healthy person say or do? Now, go do and be THAT? Don't wait for someone else to do it first. Your growth is your journey, your business. Theirs is theirs.

When you can imagine the freedom you gain from removing and healing from the bruises, bondage and burdens strapped to you, you have just gotten a glimpse of your TRUE self, who you were created to be!! That healthy person you just imagined...that is real, and it's your true nature to be healthy and WHOLE. You don't have to stay broken and unstable. You CAN break free of the bondage, and you certainly don't have to keep inflicting pain on someone else because of your own pain.

There are a lot of self protective habits we have. I notice with my violin students there are layers of protection when approaching something difficult. Swaying, tightening, lightening and hesitating the sound, hiding, shrinking physically, digging in too hard, over controlling... each of these unconscious motions steals away something that HAD been possible in that moment from the music, from the quality of sound or the conviction necessary to carry the sound through. We (my students and I) begin by focusing on the obvious layer of what's happening, but when we investigate, what is usually under that first layer is a fear they are trying to protect from.

INVESTIGATION is necessary to see the fears, to get logical, to find TRUTH and form a new choice of how to think and believe and therefore behave. It takes A LOT of self awareness and self inquiry to even notice we are believing lies, but then stopping ourselves from speaking/acting because of those beliefs!? That’s a super power!! 💪

One of the tools I have been using in my recent and ongoing health journey is called “STOP CHALLENGE CHOOSE” by Dr Wayne Andersen. Another favorite tool is “THE WORK” by Byron Katie. Both of these tools have us take a moment to pause and reflect.

STOP...Look at the situation and investigate if what you are thinking, wanting, feeling is TRUE. Make the choice that best serves your ultimate truth. When we believe the truth, we will be set free from the lies.

If I am believing someone is going to get hurt by going out on a jog, for instance.... (of course I would never believe that, but just for kicks, work with me) - maybe I'm worried that they will get hit by a car, that it will be too dark when they are done, that they are jogging too much and could get ill or injured, or maybe they are jogging to avoid spending time with me, or maybe they are jogging and I don't feel like joining them because I'm not fit enough, or maybe jogging doesn't interest me and I only want them to do what I am interested in doing. I know, most of us would never want to think that, but this is why we should develop the skills to investigate so we can catch even the little things as they go by our minds as thoughts. We will believe what we start to entertain.

Several years ago, where I work had a major strike that lasted 6 months. Both my husband and I were in the orchestra and were raising two elementary school aged kids. There were a lot of words going around and it was very easy to get caught up in the negative talk. But I started thinking, at some point we are going to have to move past this with THESE people we are calling our “enemy”. How will that look going forward? For the sake of my beloved DSO, what kind of future do I want to this organization to have? What does that look like? What has to happen to repair the chasm we are currently experiencing? What am I personally willing to do to help get us there? What am I willing to stop doing to get us there? One of those steps for me was to stop believing the worst and look for common ground, to believe that each of us ultimately wanted the same things and that each person has a heart and soul I could relate to, that I could heal along with. I imagined unity and prayed for that and then challenged myself to take steps that led towards that end. I could not control what anyone else did, but this was the shift I knew was right and necessary for me. I am happy to report there has been significant healing throughout my beloved DSO❤️❤️

Here's an example of self inquiry which can be applied to any situation:

Can I be certain this thought is true? How do I know this is true? Is there any example of why this might NOT be true? How do I feel, behave, act, speak when I think this way? How do I make others feel when I think this way? How would I feel, behave, act, speak if I COULDN'T think this way? What would be different in my life if this couldn't be true?

Imagine if someone chose to stop jogging because of how you treated them when they did choose to go out for a run? The HERO who values peaceful living at all costs would be willing to do this, and thus further enables the victim mindset.

Neither the Victim OR the Hero characters (and…one person can be both - believe me, I have been both may times!) are based in truth or wholeness.

We are meant to be free of fear. It says to "Not be Afraid" in one way or another 365 times in the Bible! Imagine the freedom we will have if we allow our minds to be set free from the lies that cause us to live and act and behave and speak fearfully, and imagine the freedom we will offer others to no longer try to control them because of our fears.

The Truth Will Set us FREE.

Please, God, help me to investigate and be willing to see all the ways I am believing lies and unconsciously behaving because of those beliefs. Help me to stay in my lane and allow others to be. Help me to focus on ways I can continue to grow within my own Hula Hoop. Help me to take captive all the thoughts that are not anchored in TRUTH.

We MUST take our thoughts captive!!.. because:

Our thoughts become our words.

Our words become our actions.

Our actions become our habits.

Our habits become our character.

Our character becomes our destiny.

Who do you want to be? You get to choose!!!❤️❤️

#kimkennedymypath #joinmeonmypath #healthyhabitswithkim

---

As I learn and grow, I want to be able to share with others the hope I have found, the blessings God has allowed, the wisdom I have come by. If what I share resonates with even one person, it is worth it.

I am passionate about finding purpose on this planet, through my music AND through my life journey. I am passionate about being healthy, inside and out. Being healthy has a ripple affect touching everything in my life. I am proud, now, that part of my identity is putting my health first and sharing that with others. Paying it forward and sharing what I have found is simply a reflex that I literally cannot help!

Always know, you can reach out any time. I am thrilled to share what I have learned with you. I now coach people with their own health journeys. It is thrilling to watch others' lives transform as they seek to create health for themselves. Join me!

Want to learn more?

Message Me on Facebook

Are you serious about adopting new habits that will change the longterm trajectory of your health? Book a time to talk today.